Socializing with Alcohol (Hook ups)
“To be ‘chaste’ means a passionate love for God, others and ourselves, a three fold single life.”
-Mary Patricia Barth Fourqurean
A “Hook up” is defined as “any sexual contact from kissing to sexual intercourse-in which the participants expect no further contact.” According to the Independent Women’s Forum, 60% of college women have not engaged in hook-ups, however 91% indicated that their campuses had a “hook-up” culture.
Issues that promoted this belief were:
- The prevalence of alcohol on campus
- The “boys will be boys” mentality
- Competition and perfectionism
- Insecurity and low-self esteem
- Group think or peer pressure
Ultimately what we would like to hear is that most students want the same thing; honest, intimate, meaningful, sincere relationships. All of us long to be men and women of integrity, and to live lives which reflect that which we believe. In a world which seeks instant gratification, there is the real danger that we do not reflect enough about something so important. This is especially true when the worst choices we make in this regard are so often induced by alcohol. It is important not to say more with our bodies than we mean with our hearts.
-Rev. Jim Lies, C.S.C
Women report a wide variety of feelings about hooking up, such as feeling hurt, awkward, upset that things went further then they expected, and confused. First year students are extremely vulnerable on college campuses due to the new environment, party life, experimentation with alcohol, and sometimes feeling flattered with the attention of their male counterparts.
Socializing with Alcohol
There are lots of places where men and women meet– in residence halls, class, sporting events, and student activities. But think about the places students most often go when they are actually looking to meet someone– the parties, the bars, and other places where alcohol is served.
Why? Because after drinking, it becomes easier to dance, easier to make conversation with people they don’t know, to socialize, talk, and to laugh. Inhibitions break down. Whether they are friends of friends , or total strangers with great smiles and a good line or two, students report feeling less self conscious when they have a “buzz.”
Alcohol helps to forget about the things that make students nervous. Does he/she like me, or just want to hook-up? Is he one of the good guys, or just “that guy’.” How can I make my boundaries clear without turning him/her off? Unfortunately the more students have to drink, the harder it gets to understand and convey those boundaries. Students know ideally the best way around those fears is to have a relationship or friendship with a guy/girl with whom all these questions and fears have been dealt with through honest talk. Trust can be a welcome form of intimacy.
The problem with the use of alcohol-especially too much alcohol-as a substitute for real comfort is that students put themselves at risk-physically and emotionally.
Is it that maybe the guys don’t think about the risks as much as they should? Or is it just that women have to think about the risks more than guys do? Do guys worry about the risks just as much?
Beer Goggles
For the most part, students don’t begin with intentions of “hooking-up” with someone, but it happens sometimes. There are nice guys/women out there, and then there are guys/women who are really good at “seeming nice.” If you are going to put yourself out there, you are going to get hurt sometimes.Guys call it “beer goggles,” but women wear them too sometimes. When you drink, your brain sleeps, and your hormones stay wide awake. Your judgment goes out the window, or maybe you just care less than you would if you were sober. In any case, while some can shake off a bad decision pretty easily, most find it difficult or a little harder to do. It can really eat at self-esteem and integrity because many of students tell themselves, “I should have known better.”
Things like self-esteem, reputation, guilt and uncertainty can all be present when the alcohol wears off, and if the caring isn’t there students can feel really empty. Sometimes men put on “the act” before the casual encounter, and women have to put on “the act” after-wards and pretend they don’t care either.
Then, students are back where they started from… Unsatisfied and not feeling true to ourselves.
Safety Tips:
Flirting is a lot of fun if it is done well and your boundaries are made clear from the beginning. He/she needs to know your boundaries.
Women should never drink more than one drink per hour and should not exceed 2 per evening.
Competitive drinking with the guys is dangerous and a female’s blood alcohol content can be double that of the male they are drinking with.
- Plan your evening with your friends and watch out for each other.
- Beer goggles are deceiving, you will want to see the person through your own eyes.
- Remember alcohol is the number “1” date rape drug.
- Be aware that there are students attending parties with the intention to have sex, pay attention to males/females that are pushing more drinks or are enthusiastic about getting you intoxicated.
- Stay away form mixed punches or “jungle juice.”
- Don’t leave your drink unattended.
- Never leave a friend alone who has had too much to drink.
- Avoid a student who is insistent on getting you alone.
- Trust your instincts.
(Thank you to Bacchus for allowing us to duplicate their information.)